By: Pamela-anne

It has taken me many years of tears, anger, frustration and self pity to finally get off the poor me trip.  I have been through a lot of hurt and disappointment in my life but accepting, and loving myself for the large woman I had become was a freeing experience.

 When I would look in the mirror over the years I was not acknowledging my weight gain. It started in my early twenties due to anti-seizure meds that slowed my metabolism down.  It got to the point that I just had to look at a table full of glorious food to gain weight.  In fact I just had to look at any food and I put on the pounds or so it seemed at the time.

 I was in denial of the larger me; in my mind even in my dreams I was always seeing the once skinny me.  I was unable to accept the plus size Pam always making excuses for why I have yet gained another 20lbs.

I went from never having weight issues to ballooning out over-night and feeling like I was trapped inside the wrong body.  It was almost like I had fallen asleep as skinny Pam to reawaken as plus-size Pam. 

 Of course the change wasn’t that dramatic but it felt like it had just one day taken me completely by surprise.  I was like the deer caught in the headlights didn’t see it coming or more truthfully didn’t want to see it coming.

Of course the pressures from society don’t help plus size woman in feeling they are worthy and just as beautiful as the skinny women of the world. 
Society’s ideas on what a beautiful woman is have clouded our minds with fairy-tale visions of what beautiful women should look like.

 Most women that we see in the media etc. have been airbrushed to so-called perfection. So the women you see in the glamour magazines are only one type of beautiful women. 

I have realized that beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes and the beauty does not just stop on the outer package but also comes from within.

The day I finally looked at myself in the mirror as plus size Pam was a moment when I cried silent tears not of sadness but of contentment and peace.

 I felt an inner peace when I finally acknowledged and accepted me for who I really was today not who I used to be.  I am now living in the present and loving it! 

Society in general has to look beyond the packaging we must learn to look in the box and discover the world of inner beauty just waiting to be discovered.

E-mail: pamnmike@bell.net

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